I got news that I got nominated for best master thesis! I can't imagine how meeting you right now, and sharing that piece of good news with you might feel like. I don't dare to imagine -only skirting across the yearn of want, because I'm afraid that all this will be a lie.

I texted you, but what I really wanted was to hear your voice. The longing pains me so. Am I asking too much from you? Pushing you too far before you think you're ready?

I'm still writing to you because I don't know what else to do besides this....I feel so pathetic and helpless. I hate myself somewhat for loving you because you cannot give me what I want and deserve, at the same time your heart and soul pulls me back to your orbit because deep inside you stir a longing far beyond roses and cards.

I only wish you can forgive yourself soon and return to me, I pray every night that you'll not just have strength, but also gentleness with yourself. I cannot repeat myself enough that I am by your side, supporting you in the trenches.

All these words, caught between the times of our replies on text, can never be expressed except in here - where I may speak freely without wondering if it'll turn things for the worse. I am trying very hard, I hope in my trial by fire and time, you'll come to understand how much you've given up precisely because you were so hard on yourself.

I love you, love you far beyond the notes of any music can express, in all your flaws and beauty - my mistake is not telling you these early enough, and I pay for my blunder.