Thank you for taking time to receive your Christmas present.
This year it's a little different partly because a) I am broke beyond belief and b) because this story needs to be told. Every year I swear that I must prepare this story in time for Christmas, and every year I failed.
So now, I'm presenting Part I of the Christmas Carol (if not, it'll never come out ever). I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.
The stories do not refer to anyone in particular and neither of you are feature here. However, having said that, this story is a tribute to my new-found friends Rahman, Justin, Hysen. And of course Chris.
I want to send my love to 222 for being the family you are, for silently being there any time I need your love. To Xinyi who always take the effort to meet me, to Nat for the sweetest words and to Ritesh for your trust and confidence.
For Cathleen and Shangyi for the ornamentation of laughter every time…laughter, is indeed golden.
For Daniel, this Christmas was made extra special for your words of assurance. Thanks buddy!
To Guanyu for your kindness for the steinway arrangement and gifts. See you around school!
To the nurses at Renci for being ever so kind…
And…of course, to all my wonderful friends who have made this year such a meaningful one. If I had my way, I wish I could list down everything all of you have said or done that touched me. Thank you.
From a feeling-very-loved,
Claud
(P.S Please pardon any grammatical mistakes!)
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Friday, January 23, 2015
9:21 PM
We've closed chapter 1, not knowing if chapter 2 will ever be reopened. I figured if there will ever be such a time again, we will both be ready to love and be loved.
I've sealed that needy and desperate part of myself, and I'm going to respect you by giving you time to heal too. In some deep recess of my heart, I know that if we will pull through this, and when you come back it'll be so much sweeter and deserving.
You're right, I deserve better and right now I need to think about how I can be more confident and believe in myself. I will do the right thing without being closed to you forever. My heart is wounded and you will forever have part of me with you. A new part will grow in its place over time and I believe you will be ready to ask for it when time comes.
I'm still going to tell you about my day until one day....I no longer wish to or have to. In any case the next girl that captures your heart deserves you....and I hope you will be a better man to her, as much as the next man who loves me will be better to me.
I am going to learn how to stand on my own feet, and I was already learning before you came along or else we would never have come together. I will forever be grateful to you, for teaching me even more about myself than anyone ever could. I regret, but I am also going to forgive myself.
Merry Christmas!
