I had a busy day yesterday, met up with Aloy to talk about you, and my feelings about the break up. The next table was the same woman pouring to a guy friend about how her ex husband got another woman when he hasn't even signed the divorce papers.

I felt sad, and at the same time very sober because I have reaffirmed the fact that if you never loved me enough to keep me by your side because you couldn't or wouldn't love me, then you were never going to be the one for me - now or later.

I want to hate you so much for texting at 7.30am, for all the times I had to wait till noon for your reply, when you can do it in an instant. I hate you for making me feel like shit in the latter half of our relationship - was there even one?

Did you really love me all that much? When you said you will come back, were you also lying to yourself? Was it ego speaking? Whichever it is, I'm going to set aside you and live on. That's why when you asked me for my bank number this morning, I couldn't give it to you, a petty side of me wanted you to owe me forever, I didn't want that set you free because of all the hurt you've caused me. Your ledger will never be balanced, a petty part of me want you to suffer for the same suffering you wrought upon me.

I'm not entirely sure why I feel this, I am better than this vindictive bitch who doesn't feel her life will ever gonna be okay. I have forgiven you for what you've did, I should feel at peace, but I'm not perfect, and I am not consistent - but right now I hate you and I'll let go of it eventually, but I hate you.