Dearest Guan Heng,

I have thought through things and came to many realisations when I thought back about how I felt when I was with you. This last letter I write, is testament to how in many ways, I'm always the first to reach out to you - and so this is the last time I'm doing this.

I was reflecting upon 2014, and I've finally admitted to myself that you didn't make me happy, the way I wanted to be, nor did I feel that you were truly present and truly wanted to give your heart to me - like me, you were guarded about your affections. I think we're both people who are afraid to love again. It was just not the right time for both of us to be together. So I'm writing you this goodbye, and telling you I'm letting you go.

You will always be special to me, and I will always love you - the person that you are and will become, I see your struggles and triumphs over adversities, I see you for your flaws and weaknesses. I will still love your sense of humour and your ability to see things the way they are - I will still love your laughter, self deprecating or sincere. I will forever treasure your sentimentality. Perhaps when you are ready again, we can be friends and head out for drinks - and I would like that very much.

As for me, I harbour no hope that you'll ever come back to me and I have accepted that you will never love me enough to allow me to become the centre of your universe. I have moved on. I was bitter previously because I felt that my love was unreciprocated by you. Now I have learnt, that it is okay - even if you do not love me, the love I gave to you, my heart will always be yours to keep and I shouldn't have to demand anything back.

In short I forgive you, for the choices you made, the person you are because of the mistakes you've made, as well as the victories you've earned. It doesn't mean I forget, and I certainly shall not - for the times you've caused me to be sad, anxious and the hours just hopelessly waiting. But I understand why you did what you did, and as humans we are allowed to err, and I forgive you.

In return, I hope you forgive my insistence, and desperate longing for you to "see the picture". I am not proud of some of the things I said and did, and I hope you can forgive me not for me - but for yourself. After all, forgiveness is about setting the bird in the cage free, and realising the bird was you all along.

I will continue to pray for you, that you will one day find compassion that will melt away the ego, kindness that will weather away your pride, and love that you will one day come to cherish and never let go. One day, we will both find someone who will be the centre of our universe, whom we respect and admire, who has as much love to give us, as we will give them. One day, I pray you will find an equal partner and I wish you well.

We should be proud of stepping out of this relationship knowing that in the long run it wouldn't be good for both of us. We should be proud because we were honest about this relationship. We should be proud of ending things relatively amicably, and the emotions we went through were real, and despite it all, we opened our hearts to each other knowing that one or the other is leaving. That is love - never forget and never let that go.

Continue to make difficult decisions that are good for you, continue to have courage to love yourself and forgive the mistakes you've made. You are worth it, and while we no longer live on the same planet, I will always be within your orbit. And I count on you to be there for me too, when one day I reach out to you with another broken heart, or simply to share the fullness of life's joy (my wedding?my baby? HAHA). Know that whenever you feel you have too much to bear, I will always be here, as a friend and fellow human, to listen and just hold you.

Thank you for letting me go for I can finally be myself again and that, is the most precious gift you have given me thus far. I thank you.